Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
