Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
