Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize