i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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