How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
