If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
