oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
