True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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