eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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