Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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