Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
