If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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