Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
