I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
