you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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