I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
