My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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