dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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