Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
