Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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