I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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