guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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