it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
