when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
