if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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