you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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