She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
