he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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