Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!