I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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