Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
