How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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