was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize