I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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