ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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