I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
