We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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