I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
