Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
