You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
