im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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