I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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