apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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