I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
