The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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