Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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