Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am midnight drunk by noon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
