Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
