he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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