we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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