Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
