He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
