In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
