walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
