So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
