too bad you live with your parents still
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
