PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
