dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
