I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we made out on top of his cat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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