he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
