i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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