just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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