The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
