You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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